Quote: Anyway, take her to the fish and chips, say "Oh, that sounds good!" when she choses the most fatt and unhealthy plate available, say "Sure, why not share an appetizer?", etc, etc. A few drinks, and she states how she feels 'all happy' and how 'she loves me so much', etc.
We come home, she crashes into bed, says she has a slight headache and is 'really tired'. I remain all chipper and upbeat, comfort her a bit, stroke her hair (which often helps the headache, perceived or not, go away), and let her fall asleep and me being all cuddly her way and stuff.
The carbing out and crashing can be indicative of depression and low serotonin levels. Carby foods up your serotonin levels and temporarily make you feel better. It's a form of self-medication. Think of dogs who go out and eat grass. Evidently it does something for them at the time, but you know that within the next little while, the dog is going to be barfing in your kitchen floor. She probably hasn't recognized the cause and effect.
Food and Mood "One theory is that carbohydrates stimulate serotonin production and thus eating them is an attempt to self-medicate depression. Studies focused on this link do seem to back this up. High carbohydrate meals raise serotonin1 while fatty or protein rich meals tend to lower it. The type of carbohydrate chosen seems to be based upon it's glycemic index, or how high it causes blood sugar levels to peak. The higher glycemic index carbohydrates like sugar have a greater effect on serotonin than starchy, lower glycemic index foods like potatoes."
and another:
Depression & Food Cravings "One common symptom of depression is weight gain. The reason we can’t seem to control our appetite isn’t all in your head Your brain is producing the wrong chemicals, and your body is compensating by taking them from the foods you eat.
Scientists have known that low levels of serotonin may contribute to depression. They also have found the link between low serotonin levels and weight gain. When serotonin levels are low, your body looks for a substitute in carbohydrates. The sugars in carbohydrates cause the pancreas to release more insulin, which in turn allows more serotonin type chemicals to be absorbed by the brain. But this effect lasts only a few minutes and leaves you craving more food.
This process is also very inefficient, because food is not a rich source of serotonin chemicals. "
I'm not trying to justify the lack of sex in your marriage. I am pointing out that the up for food, and crash soon after may not be *just* an attempt to avoid sex with you. It does become a convenient excuse.
Quote: Clearly, she is concious of her own behavior as she apologizes for it, but at the moment itself, it is obviously too much effort to try to need some of my needs....?
Anger suppressed tends to leak out. It oozes out at odd times that are often disconnected from the original cause of your anger. For ex., you get ticked that she chose not to ML to you the night before, however you work at not giving into anger, stroke her hair, suck it up and go to sleep. But, the next day that anger can begin to bubble at unrelated incidences. She may sense the anger, doesn't want you to be mad at her and then attempts to assuage the underlying anger by hinting at happier times to come. Which, at the time she says it, she probably means it. But by this time (and understandably so) your attitude is one of "yeah, sure". She conveniently later decides that she doesn't like your attitude when it's time for her to put some action behind the hint, she's not feeling real great at the later moment, so she puts you off again.
