GEL, yes I have. It often has ended up in an argument. I tell her I need some TLC, and she goes in the defense as in "I need some time for myself" or "Can't I surf the web?" and she feels like I'm trying to 'claim her', etc. I'm sure you can relate to the general scenario. It's one of those (many) circular issues we get stuck in.
It's not that I need her 24-7, far from that . I've explained to her how it's not like a time clock, or how I need her tlc all the time and she can't do anything else, but that's how she obviously feels about it. I feel left out, she feels smothered. I feel she's being distant, avoidant, evasive, she feels I'm needy and limiting her 'own needs'.
The reason it upsets me is not so much the time itself. It's something that I guess is hard to explain to a LD person, but it's how about I can see her desire to for example surf the web (like an urge she just can't resist), and she has like no desire to be with me or give me some tlc. To me it's a lot about "I desire a brownie" (she has a weakness for munch food), "I desire to surf the web" "I desire a bloody mary" "I desire to snuggle the cat" (the cat fares WAY better than me) "I don't desire you, but I do love you"... It's why we start resenting the behavior I think, as we get jealous, envious and angry about all those things that seem to instill a desire or need, and we're simply not on that list.
By now I've given up on telling her I am dying for some tlc when we have some private time at the end of the day. Part of it is like 'she knows by now, why do I always have to say it?' and part of it is that it's likely to become a discussion or she'll go in the defense which will only make me feel worse about it. I'd just like to be on the top of the priority list now and then. It only takes maybe what? 5 minutes, 10 minutes?
She does understand it, it's simply that for some reason, she either 'forgets' about it, or just has it moved down her priority list eventhough she realizes it should be up there and how it is important to me. Which of course makes me question (silently) if she's really trying, another frustration to be put in the pile.
