I agree with you that this is a weakness, or a shortcoming, that has to be overcome. It has to be DEALT with, and one can't merely say "I have no confidence anymore, and it's all her fault."
But it's still a REALITY, and it's not easy to overcome, even if one realizes that they HAVE to overcome it and break the cycle.
Also, speaking only for myself, I was NOT this way before my marriage, nor am I this way in all of the other areas of my life (professional, etc.). I am currently widely viewed as confident, articulate, witty -- even strong -- in friendships and in my career. And before I was married, I was even viewed that way in my intimate relationships ... I was always confident and strong.
But 20 years of being rejected has sucked that life out of me, I'm sorry.
Is that reality? Yes. Do I still have to strive to overcome that? Yes also.
But I can honestly say that it IS her rejection -- or at least, her rejection + how I have dealt (or didn't deal) with it -- that has caused my lack of confidence.
That's just a fact, not a copout. It's only a copout if I forever not try to overcome it.
Choc., who understands the point you're trying to make -- I just don't agree with it.
