Paul That really sucks. And sounds familiar. I don't know exactly what to tell you. Things are getting better for me VERY slowly, and I think I can say that one big thing has made a difference: confidence. I know that what I am doing is usually good enough, that I don't have to change and do it HER way just because she says so. I know that when she is angry towards me that, a great deal of the time it is not my fault; she is reacting to something that is going on in her world and I just walk away and let her be angry. I try to be loving and ask her if there is anything I can do to help. If I have done something that is clearly, objectively wrong, I apologize. But I don't wallow in apology and self-blame like I used to.
Sounds like she is being unreasonable. Maybe the time has come for you to be firm and set the boundaries. You should refuse to sleep anywhere but your room and your bed. If she wants to sleep away from you, let her. Get those kids out of the "family bed." When you say she "forced" you out of the bed, did she have a gun? Was it loaded? Other than that, I'll bet you outweigh her. Let her rant and jump up and down. Then go to your bed.
And no more rejections that are "heartless and brutal." That's when you either go to another room to sleep, or lock her out of the bedroom. Tell her that it's not acceptable.
And as for the closet or the new house or the friends or whatever the bitch of the week is, look at it objectively and then discuss it with her calmly, when the kids aren't around. Try to work together as couple.
I'm not saying to dismiss anything she says as unreasonable. Just try to get her to discuss it like two adults.
Good luck, my friend. The road ahead is rocky, and there are no guarantees that the trip will be pleasant or that the destination will be worthwhile. Welcome to the unfairness that is marriage. Sometimes, however, the road is beautiful and it's nice to be on it with someone you love.
