Thank you for your reply. I'm going to start a new thread after my reply to you. I need to address the issues in my R more directly, in my own head AND on this BB .
To answer your question- H's needs are: patience, understanding, honesty, love/caring, respect, selflessness, self-respect, compassion, strength, balance, and humility. I'm beginning to understand what some of these mean through my observations and, at times, flat out asking. He's also gotten better at vocalizing his likes and dislikes. For example, the other day he said to me that he was "so glad that I am able to accept him for who he is". In the past, he felt pressure from me to be more.
Basically, it stemmed from my own insecurities about where I was in my life. My unhappiness would spill out in the form of anxiety for other's lives. I would constantly send my H job listings for him to apply to and talk alot about people that I admired who were more wordly than H. He's been very upfront about how insecure he felt when I would do that. He's gotten to a point where he is more accepting of himself and also more direct when things like that bother him.
He also said the other day that the sound of my voice soothes him and that was a recent thing. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that often in the past, I overreacted to a lot of things in my life and created much unnecessary drama. He said that I have calmed down alot and that he very much looks forward to hearing from me. I thanked him for noticing the changes that I have made in my anxiety issues. So this is another example of his needs. He needs to see strength in me. And he has been upfront with how scary it can be to be with someone who isn't mentally or emotionally balanced. H and I both agree on this point!
Anyway, I'd like to be less scattered with my postings. It helps to keep my head clear. In fact, it would have helped me alot yesterday to have posted. I was in the worst mood and slowly it began to creep into my thoughts about H and our R. I repeatedly told myself that I was not going to think about my R when I was feeling this bad because it would be impossible for me to think clearly. Instead of calling H and in a passive way try to get him to talk over my temporarily heightened insecurities while he was at work, I went to the gym and worked most of it out on the treadmill. By the time H and I talked later in the evening, I was pretty mellow and not at all "off" about anything between H and I. I feel that better journalling can only help this process of change.
Ok, so I will begin another thread today or tomorrow. Thank you again for checking in!
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