Very laid-back weekend. H and I went to a retaurant with SIL and FIL. Had an interesting convo with H on Sunday night. Inspired by something I saw in H's horoscope this week, I asked H to sit down with me to make a list of what he needed in an R, what was very important to him and what he wanted. H's horoscope talked about how the Buddhist belief is that you get exactly what you need, when you need it and almost always never get what you want when you want it. The astrologer suggested that you think upon what it was that you needed rather than fixating on what you want.
It was a pretty interesting exercise between H and I. I talked to him about how although I find all that I had listed in the important list as very important to me in an R, I NEEDED to have what was listed in my "need" list. We've been working on rebuilding the core of our R and I think this is the first time H and I have sat down and looked at each other's needs. I also mentioned that it was important that we both find out what each other's needs meant to that person. It's all well and good for me to say to my H that I need respect, compassion, and honesty for my R but does my H really know what that means to me? Do I know what his needs of respect, loving, honesty, selflessness mean to him?
This is what I am focusing on when I'm working on my R. The list of the "important" is what we use in our day-to-day. This is what keeps us from being bogged down by our work on our R. The "wants" list is the future. If it happens- great, if not, then it doesn't at all undermine the fact that I have a great R.
Update on my issues- Sunday night I started getting anxious like I do whenever things are calm. I'm admittedly addicted to chaos. So, I started getting paranoid and got up to lock a number of the windows. Monday morning my H asked me if I had gotten up to lock the windows. I said yes and then went into a lengthy analysis of why I am reacting to my anxiety this way, blah, blah, psycho-babble. He stops me and asks how long this is going to go on for. I am offended and say that I didn't know but that rest assured I was working on it. Then a few minutes later I tell H that I am offended and that I have never once asked him when his issues were going to come to an end.
It briefly flared into an argument but then just as quickly died out. H asked me to tell him when I was feeling this way. He said that if I did this it would be less of an issue for him because then he wouldn't be caught off guard like the last time. Background- after the first year of our R, I had a relapse of anorexia that lasted for two years. H is afraid of this happening again.
Last night H's cell phone rang at 10:30. H didn't pick up while it was ringing but made a point of checking afterwards and called whoever it was back.
