I should know better by now! During an online search, I came across yet another online subculture community. Forgoing my promise to myself not to do this, I entered my H's email address in a random member search and low and behold his profile appeared. It seems like it is an old profile because the picture of him was several years old. Also, there wasn't anything in his profile except for this statement, "A beautiful girl told me there was too much hate in my profile, so now it is all gone."
His on-line activity has always concerned me. There are some aspects of my H that are very suspect to me. His secrecy is the biggest, obviously. I feel like sometimes there are two different people within my H. There is the good side that he shows to me (when all is going well), this is the one that he claims he wants to be and then there is the critical and judgemental/darker/dishonest side (the one I see when things aren't going well) that I suspect goes WAY deeper than the just the signs that slip out that I see or have found through searching out.
My H has said on occasion that he has a secret dark side that he desperately wishes he could show to someone but then there is the side of him that is afraid to have anyone see it. I honestly don't know if this "dark side" is truly dark or if it is a case of my H being over-dramatic which he can often be.
Look, I don't doubt that my H is a good and sane man, however this split does cause me concern.
I would love any feedback from other DBers who are dealing with their spouses' online activities. Also, anyone out there dealing with deep anger issues with spouses would be helpful too.
