Hi Sikan! Thanks for visiting my thread and writing. I always look forward to hearing from you. We seem to be on a similar timeline in our Rs. I'm gonna say DITTO! up front to so much of your post.

I'm starting to see a bit more clearly these days and what I thought was a perfectly fine approach to life isn't working for me anymore.
 An opportunity to work on you.. great focus! I love it.. screw H and staying here..LOL. Sounds like you've got a case of the kiss my a*s that's catching on the BB. Isn't it liberating?! I love that about detaching. That ability to look at our life and set some boundaries that will work. Just the change of focus from OUR life to MY life is doing wonders. So that it's moving towards H's life, MY life, and OUR life. Trying to let him live his life the way he wants, starting to focus on my life and hopefully blend the changes into a R that works much better in the future.

That scares me with some things, my R. I'm working to a point where I can address the important issues in my R with my H. Honesty, compassion, future growth, etc...

These little bonuses seem less and less so the further I go with all of this. In the same vein, so do these little battles.
 Scares you how? Realizing that the approach isn't working might mean you realizing that your R isnt going to work? Or just scares you that you think the approach to your R in particular hasnt worked and now you have to learn some new skills? Not sure exactly what you mean by the second paragraph. You're not getting as much positive progress from the approach you've been taking?... but detaching and working on yourself is decreasing the battles you're having? You've slowed down on progress, but also slowed down on the problems? hmmm.. Im finding that H's pace of life is much slower than mine. The more I slow down (especially my thoughts and expectations), the more relaxed our life is. If I move at his pace, we don't make progress as fast as I want it, but then, mentally slowing down allows me to evaluate the problems so that they aren't a matter of life and death today.. I dont overreact as much and want it to be better RIGHT NOW. Gives me some time to work on my life!

She looked like a goth hooker. Giant black frankenboot platform shoes, black mini skirt and halter top. It was in some ways helpful for me to lay eyes on her. ROFL! Goth hooker.. thats a mental image!

It was in some ways helpful for me to lay eyes on her. I'm probably seeing her this weekend at a wedding and it will require all of my strength to make eye contact with her and not spit in her face. I need to keep reminding myself that any reaction I would have of that kind would be just for my own instant gratification. I must remind myself that I am working towards greater goals.
 OK, this is out there, but do you have a close friend that would help you rehearse how you're going to react/address OW? When I first saw OW, I was shocked at what she wasn't and insulted that she was so boyish looking.. not striking at all. The second time I saw her, my reaction was overwhelming because she turned and looked to see who my H was with.. p*ssed me off that she was that bold. We were going to a BBQ that she was attending and it was cancelled due to rain. Thank goodness. I WANTED her to have to look me in the eye knowing what she did. Wrong motivation.. woulda turned out horrible. Anyway, I've since re-thought that and have actually practiced how I'd act if I see her face to face. I want to come off as warm and gracious, but not phony. Then on my Mom's advice, I'd act like she didn't exist..lol. Will you know other people.. do you know the setting and how you might come into contact with her? If I see OW, others will be around and my plan is to say hello, offer my hand if appropriate, and then wait for her response (gonna count to 5 with a smile on my face), and as soon as the interaction is over, very slowly head towards safety with my head held high. Taking H's arm and drawing him towards another person, with a "Hey, there's Danny!" or something light. Why prepare? Because as you said, we're working towards greater goals, and OW does not fit into that life, even to fret on her presence at a gathering. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that you don't have to deal with a lot of emotion when you see her and that your H will behave perfectly! Are you prepared to not have any expectations of how he'll act so that you won't be disappointed? Gawd.. I'm glad youre going to a zen retreat! You should be in a good place after that

He called this afternoon asking me when my retreat was this weekend. I automatically assumed it was because he is making plans with her. Who knows? Who cares? I'm not letting it interrupt my retreat this weekend.
 Yay Sikan! You go girl! I said almost exactly the same thing yesterday. H called to let me know that he was working nearby with OW yesterday, but had requested to not work side-by-side with her. I told a friend "who cares? He can KMA! She can KMA! I don't really care if they are holding hands and singing show tunes.. that's their problem!"

Sent out my resume yesterday and finished and was paid for a client job. It's good to move forward and be complimented for your work. It definitely feels good to be appreciated. Yup, and you should be! Good that you are looking within yourself and your accomplishments for happiness. We're gonna be OK GF!

No big plans for the weekend here. Going to keep my sitter's girls Fri and Sat, so it'll be all about the kids this weekend. Might have to go into work Sunday. That's OK though.. I'm in a lazy mood. A rare thing for me. I'm usually go go go all the time. Today I had the day off with H again. Met a GF for bfast and then came home to do some cleaning. H had flowers waiting when I got home.. was sweet. Didnt do much cleaning.. ended up spending the afternoon in bed with H . Took a two hour nap with him too.. wow.. that was nice. We usually spend our days together going 90 miles a minute. So, I'm lazy this afternoon.. a SLUG! He went to pick up S2 and dinner and told me to RELAX

Have a great time at the retreat and let me know how things went!