Both H and I have had a horrible week at our jobs. I can't deny the fact that I need to leave mine. I've been holding off because I was (and don't laugh at this) afraid that I wouldn't ahve the opportunity to either monitor my H or talk to him or email him repeatedly throughout the day. Co-dependent?! Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I have to go. It is way too much strain on me mentally and at times physically. Also, I'm getting to a point where the co-dependency isn't even necessary for me anymore. If H needs to leave, then leave he must. I'm not afraid of losing him anymore.
I realized that my tolerance for bad behavior from others has me in a job where my supervisor (a weak man) is not even civil to me and sometimes is even abusive. It's time that I stand up for myself and this is a big step forward. Screw, staying here so that I can talk to H or run my side business or spend inordinate amounts of time online (this BB being the exception, of course!). I'm starting to see a bit more clearly these days and what I thought was a perfectly fine approach to life isn't working for me anymore.
That scares me with some things, my R. I'm working to a point where I can address the important issues in my R with my H. Honesty, compassion, future growth, etc...
These little bonuses seem less and less so the further I go with all of this. In the same vein, so do these little battles.
Saw OW on the street yesterday. Thankfully, she didn't see me. She looked like a goth hooker. Giant black frankenboot platform shoes, black mini skirt and halter top. It was in some ways helpful for me to lay eyes on her. I'm probably seeing her this weekend at a wedding and it will require all of my strength to make eye contact with her and not spit in her face. I need to keep reminding myself that any reaction I would have of that kind would be just for my own instant gratification. I must remind myself that I am working towards greater goals.
Hopefully my H won't be an a** about it, if I do appear upset. I'm tired and done with keeping his feelings from being hurt.
He called this afternoon asking me when my retreat was this weekend. I automatically assumed it was because he is making plans with her. Who knows? Who cares? I'm not letting it interrupt my retreat this weekend.
Sent out my resume yesterday and finished and was paid for a client job. It's good to move forward and be complimented for your work. It definitely feels good to be appreciated.
