I just finished posting on your thread. I was thinking about your reply all day at work yesterday. I must have been in a very bad spot because all I did was fantasize about finding another person to be with. Total escape fantasies. Then I became ridiculously insecure about OW, so much so that I acted like a complete weirdo for a portion of the night while hanging out with H. I was very vague and talked about random subjects. At one point, I was basically making obvious threats to OW, without directly talking about her. This only sets me back because it makes me look like I'm still not moving forward or that my progress is very inconsistent. Which it is, but for the purposes of letting go I need to act as if.
My DB coach has suggested several times that when I feel this coming on, and to begin by recognizing my warning signs, that I need to do something different or if worse comes to worse not be around H until it passes.
This is my next task. I'm still plugging away at eliminating obsessive thoughts but I need to be more consistent. I'm still not sure what triggered my backslide. I know that seeing the postcards was very painful for me but I feel like it tapped into something greater and I don't know what that is.
Anyway, Mondays and Tuesdays are my H's busiest days at work. I'm backing off from him to give him the space he constantly asks for on those days. He definitely wants to be around me after work but he keeps a low profile during work hours. I've been trying to accomodate him more.
Piglet- We need to explore what it means when our H's say that we are the ones the want to spend the rest of their lives with. It has to count for something, doesn't it? My H describes me as his ideal. Why don't I believe him when he says that? Because of his friendship with OW? or is it that plus my own raging insecurities?
SP1- Thank you for dropping by! I would be upfront with your GMF and tell him that this trip is for you and H. Ask him if he would like to plan another trip with the two of you or a group. Also, do NOT let annoying FF get in the way at all! Know that you will have an amazing time and even during the times when you do not, don't let it be know unless you absolutely need to! I have to attend a wedding next week and I'm very certain H's OW will be there. I'm thankfully going to be at a zen retreat for most of the morning but I plan on having a quiet and good time at wedding. Hopefully, I won't have to sit next to her or across from her. I'm planning on just being myself, no more no less.
