I calmly said Oh and then without missing a beat talked about something else. As if he had said that his sister or someone like that had sent them to him.
Great DBing! Im going to have to practice that "Oh" and use it! I always learn something from you Sikan. H and I have been discussing the significance we place on things in our life. Basically, I make OW more important than he does or ever has. We're the women that they want to spend the rest of their life with.. so the "Oh" is definately enough attention to OW on our part!
I'm struggling with the fact that although many things are good between us, I still see aspects of my H that concern me as much sometimes more than OW sitch. I understand that. Our pastor said a few months ago "he can get help and change, but there will always be part of J's personality that he cant change. Can you accept that?" Ive thought a lot about that. And about H telling me that he does need my approval and acceptance. Why do we focus on the negative times and give them more weight than the positive? Is it because we've seen the past and want to be prepared for the future? H said that he was attracted to OW because she didnt know his faults and he didnt have to deal with them. I've been asking myself more and more "Could I live with me?" When my H is with me, do I encourage him, or am I a mirror of his faults constantly? Could I live with that? I couldnt.. it would be frustrating to try and know I need to change, and to see that reflected in the person I love the most.. never good enough. So, I'm wondering if we cling to the positive changes.. the good moments and accept that they'll be a part of our future, wouldn't it be easier to get through the bad times and realise good things are ahead? Why must we get through the good times, waiting on bad times ahead? Just some thoughts. Visit my thread soon and you'll see the chaos I created today by counting on my H's faults to shine through.
I think it's natural to fear. As long as we don't let fear control our lives. Me and H are there right now.. fear controlling us. We need to break free from that. That's one of my near term goals. To count positive in the day. My D11 used to come home moaning and groaning about every little thing that went wrong. I had her start journalling and listing all of her blessings. I told her that she only had room in her day for a couple of bad things so just write down the top two or three and spend the rest of her time counting the good. A couple of weeks of that and she stopped complaining and journalling. She either realized she has a blessed life, or she got tired of writing! I could take a lesson from that myself. Focus on the positive and only let the negative have so much room in my life. 20 minutes a day. I bet I could cover it in that amount of time.. I mostly just turn the bad over and over and dwell on it anyhow.
I didnt mean to ramble on your thread. I just wanted to encourage you (and me!) to accept the good things... the nice, relaxing weekend. The work you accomplished and your mega-DB moment.. give the bad thoughts just a tiny bit of time, and remind me to do the same!
