Still working to develop trust with H. Last night, he asked me to come keep him company at his office. I used to visit him alot at his old office but that changed when he moved into this new place.
When he told me he was working late, I thought it might be a way for him to hang out with OW. Work was an excuse he used a lot to cover up the fact he was spending time with her. I partly feel guilty that I am still so very suspicious but when I really think about it, it's going to be a long time before the trust is firm between us again.
It was nice to meet up with him and catch a late meal. H is in the process of putting together material to send out with his resume for new jobs. H even had me look at his cover letter yesterday for my feedback. This is a huge difference from last June, when he applied to a job (one that I had found for him in a location where I wanted to move) with the most disturbing cover letter I had ever read. The letter should have been a serious warning bell but I didn't see it that way. I was more disappointed that he wasn't where I wanted him or our life to be.
What a huge difference now! I still forward H jobs, because I like to do that. It's part of my personality. I forward everyone I know jobs I think they would like or would be good at. But now, I work very hard at backing off from pushing H to apply. I'll nudge but at a normal level.
So, I'm plugging away. Minor triumph for myself with OW. I used to obsessively look at her through postings online. She has a lot of things online. I used to look at pictures of her, read her postings, etc... I have completely stopped reading her postings with H and looking at her picture. I simply find it to be not worth my time. I finally am able to see that it doesn't matter anyway and staring at her unattractive face isn't changing the sitch at all. It's kind of like when I quit smoking. Sure I have the urge every now and again but when I actually think about putting one into my mouth I become physically ill.
I think I'm starting to move past her, which is necessary. The work lies between H and I, she's just a variable.
H and I have a good weekend planned. We are staying in town and have some loose plans, maybe a movie or a club on Saturday. Sunday, H said he wanted to hang out with a friend. I'm not going to stress if it is with OW. I have plenty of other things to do and will act very much "as if" when and if he hangs out with friend.
