I've come to the realization (yet again!) that I am trying to do this all in one shot and way too quickly. My Dbing hasn't been consistent and I haven't set down concrete, doable goals for myself. I'm going back to the drawing board and letting go, letting go, letting go....
Did some good DBing last night both for myself and H. Spent some time by myself to work on some freelance projects. I know this isn't like a night on the town or anything but it was just as good to spend several hours by myself quietly working and actively NOT thinking about my sitch.
I apologized to H for a convo I had with him last weekend where I "jokingly" said that I wished he was more forthcoming to the public about how much he enjoys being with me. This is another extension of how I criticize H for talking the talk but following up with actions. Right or wrong, it is a fact that H talks a lot but doesn't have much follow through.
This is a sore point for H because he is intimidated by me and that I do everything I set out to do. H is insecure about it and my convo about being more forthcoming about his M or love for me(born out of my insecurities because he won't say this to people like OW) obviously compounded the problem.
I apologized to H last night because I had remembered a really beautiful post he wrote about me on his one blog (although not the one OW is on). I told him I was very sorry and that I do know that he loves me and is forthcoming.
I realize that he is trying to move forward and that he would most likely continue in that direction (I hope!) if he were encouraged and not criticized.
Anyway, I seem to miss the mark big time sometimes with DBing but am very good at repairing the damage. I hope that by making these changes, I can start to move our R forward and away from the lingering bull***t of OW and our other problems.
