Thank you for your input. It is much appreciated. I do know that at the heart of my sitch, H loves me more than anything else. The OW sitch is very painful and I'm still not sure why he choose that option but it is part of the whole picture and something that must be considered and dealt with in due time. Patience does not come easily to me and this is something that I have wanted to run away screaming from.
I'm trying to keep an open mind as much as I am capable of at this time. I realize that there are much more effective ways of dealing with sitch than living in fear or stifling extreme anger as I have been this past year. It will also take some time for me to move beyond these reactions.
I've been trying to do more thought stopping. She's popped up in my head alot recently. I used to look at a blog page that she and my H would post on. After the encounter in the club, I stopped doing that. In fact, the face-to-face encounter was really helpful in shattering the many illusions I had about her person. Seeing her up close and more importantly hearing her voice gave me tremendous insight as to who she is. She's a rough time to say the least. I had created this fictional character of her based on my own insecurities.
While I do NOT want to run into her on a regular basis, I'm ok with seeing her because I know that it helps me to keep myself in perspective as to how great her impact is in my and my H's lives. I would be extremely happy if she just moved far, far away or at least got another job and stopped working with my H. I know that this isn't the way to change things effectively or permanently.
H and I are going away this weekend. We are both very much looking forward to the time off. I would like to find ways of reestablishing R. It's definitely moving forward. I'm wondering if I need to even be doing anything other than good DBing or if I should be a little more hands-off and see what comes out of that.
