Still not a lot of time to post updates for sitch but maybe that's just the way it is supposed to be this week.
I've given alot of thought to SP1 and Rotzilla's posts about what I need to do to heal myself. I'm definitely feeling the strain of trying to balance it all. In fact, I completely cracked this morning. Thankfully, after H went home to his apt to get ready for work.
I freaked out because I thought something was wrong with my vision. To explain, my Mom, the ultimate caretaker/martyr, has Multiple Sclerosis. Now while I know this is a disease that randomly strikes individuals, I also believe that her illness was in large part her only way to be able to claim personal space for herself. I freaked about the eye thing because vision problems are a symptom of MS. So yes, while I overreacted, I think it was just a hysterical way of acknowledging to myself that I am doing and trying to do WAY too much! This is pressure that I am putting on myself and now I have the insight to take a step back and look at what I can realistically ahndle at this point.
Another interesting point to my freak out is that I called H and told him I was scared about problem and that I was thinking of going to the hospital. At this point, I was very calm in my speech and retelling of my fears. H said that since the problem went away after I washed my face it was unnecessary for me to go to the hospital. I said I would talk about it more when he picked me up for work.
We did talk about it, he reiterated his logic and I explained that my fears and how they related to my stress this week. All in all it was a calm conversation. The first we have ever had about this topic!
H's mom died of a brain hemmorage (sp?). She also completely burned herself out trying to take care of others. H is very sensitive to hysteria and paranoia because of his experiences with his mom. I have had problems of hypochondria and paranoia because of my upbringing. Funny how two people can connect on issues like this without even realizing it until the issues begin to show themselves!
H has mentioned a number of times how he will know that I am getting better once my paranoia and hysteria calm down. I understand what he means and I agree to some degree. In some instances such as: OW sitch and alcoholic behaviors (denial, avoidance, secrecy), it's hard not to have my paranoia kick into high gear. This is an area both H and I work together on.
I hope this post isn't all over the place. I'm in dire need of a very relaxing weekend and to get this work day done and over with. Have a good weekend everyone!
