BF... Have you read the book Passionate Marriage? It is such a refreshing read and offers a non-condemning explanation of why marriage inevitably becomes stifling and reaches a stalemate. It also discusses the point you make about the importance, at an individual level, of continuing bringing your own uniqueness to the marriage. My own personal view ( and I think Lil said something about this) is that we find someone who can both trigger and yet heal a core issue within ourselves, an issue that stems from our most damaging parent. We get married---a lot of chaos ensues---and if there's enough love, work, luck, whatever, we get back on track. I have been working on myself for the past few yrs...I'd say H came on board in the last yr. As far as your sitch goes, I say it's not over til it's over. And then it may not be over ( some clues to my personality).
Julie... I am so happy for you! I miss your insightful posts. One piece of the puzzle that has taken me a long time to lock in place is to accept my H as he is...he is just not a sexual beast. I was trying too hard to change him---something about his telling me that he hardly masturbates somehow clicked for me. His lack of emphasis on sex is partly due to his personality and partly because he never really had to work at it to perform. He is beginning to see me as less sex-obsessed and more wanting to just connect in new, fun ways which hopefully push him out of his insecure, prudish comfort zone.
