To be quite honest I have no clue how my H would respond to such a thing either. For I have never worn any thing of the sort myself. In truth I had never been in a sex store or seen a sex toy up close and personal until about 4 years ago. still have only watched about three porn movies in my 41 years of life. What I know about came from my starting to sell the stuff which all my friends found facinating since I would say omg through any conversations concerning such things up until then. Even when I sold costumes I refused to sell the school girl ones that are so popular. I found something a bit to preverted in it. Chrissy has a wicked mind at times but only in thought Lol
Lustforlife: I'm with Lil on you telling the OM to stop contact for at least the next 6 months. Let me quote your message, but make some changes:
Quote: If I'm totally honest with myself, the reason I don't want to tell my heroin supplier "give me 6 months" or whatever is because I like his attention NOW. Plus, I probably fear he would just tell me "nice knowing you, but no more heroin for you." I crave that feeling of euphoria that comes to me even when I'm just thinking about injecting myself with heroin. I don't even have to actually take it. Just the thought of calling my pusher, or even if he sends me one email every few weeks. I still get excited when I see his name pop up in my mail. Isn't that telling me something. Why would I want something that is causing only more confusion in my life.
Why indeed? It's not only causing you confusion, it's disrespecting your husband, the OM and his family, and yourself.
(I'm feeling a bit like NOPkins today).
Think about this: if you end up not working it out with H, you can probably do better than ending up with OM who, as we know, is the type of person who has no respect for the institution of marriage anyway.
H went for the vasectomy yesterday ( which appears to have gone smoothly). Prior to this, we discussed our SL and have decided that for us the schedule idea works the best. While I would prefer a more carefree, spontaneous SL, this plan gives us a chance to build trust and connection.
I am trying to detach from this issue, but still am thinking of all of you and checking in.
Though I myself am trying to not spend as much time on the board. I am wondering what you meant by trying to detach from this issue. Just wondering if you have found something else to focus on or if you have decided to take what comes and be thankful for it. I enjoy reading your thread and have appreciated all the encouragement you have given over the past months I hope things in life become what you hope for.
Chrissy... Thank you for the kind words and for folowing along on my saga. You and the others here help me more than you realize.
H is recovering from the vasectomy ( tomorrow it will be a week). He is sore but otherwise ok and has a doctor's appt tomorrow which will probably give him the green light. Before the procedure, I came to the realization that I have been living in tbhe fantasy that he is magically going to become HD, if I just find the right buttons to push. However, in the course of our convos, he has said that he never has sexual fantasies and he never really feels urges to masturbate, among other things. He considers my erotic books as "stupid stuff." He has a straight forward sex drive, but he is just not that into sex. I guess this is a roundabout way of saying I accept where he is at and I can't change him. I feel more confident that I will not lose this sensual piece of myself that I have discovered...I also feel confident that H will reasonably, in his way, meet my needs. It's ironic that it takes me much more effort to feel sexual than it does my H, but I feel I am more connected to my sexuality than he is and have the greater desire.
This past week has been a " no sex" week ( due to the vas.) and it's given us a chance to build on the emotional connection. We're in a role reversal here in that after 18 yrs of marriage I tend to take the EC for granted, while my H needs to feel that I am loving, nice, warm, non-critical, etc. in order to feel sexual. I am better aware of how my anger and resentment affect him. I also see we both have family of origin issues that get thrown into the picture.
Going to catch up reading here...xo to my BB friends.
Just remember, he's probably still fertile, and will be for about 8 weeks. At my vasectomy appointment, my doctor said, "you'll still have viable sperm for about 8 weeks, or about 12 ejaculations post-vasectomy." I said, "12 ejaculations? Then I should be good to go by about this time tomorrow." ba-dum crash. He also said that until my follow up sperm count was completed, I should continue to use the same type of birth control I've been using in the past. "By the way," he asked, "what form of birth control do you use?" "My wife says that the most effective method of birth control for us is my personality." ba-dum crash. During the procedure, after he had injected my scrotum with a huge-azz needle to anesthetize it, he said, "even though I just injected some pain-killer, you may feel a tugging sensation on your scrotum." "Thanks for telling me that, doctor. I'm used to that sensation, but not when anyone else is in the room." be-dum crash. As he was cauterizing the vas deferens, he said, "you might smell a little smoke from down here...we're using a hot tool to cauterize." "No problem, doctor. I used to smell that back when I was a teenager all the time, until I discovered baby oil."
Yes, I really did say all of those. Yes, I was flying high on Valium. He said I was his most entertaining patient in 20 years of vasectomies.
doc says to me, "what are you using for birth control?" "Aspirin" I say. "what? aspirin doesn't have any contraceptive qualities". "Sure it does", I reply. "My wife clamps the aspiring between her knees and holds it there any time I am in the same room as her" Ba-dum-dum!
That was very funny , Hairdog. At least you could have a sense of humor through the whole thing. I think my H was mute for the rest of the day after that procedure. He still loves to tell his "war" story to the buddies just like women tell their birth stories. Hee-Hee
