Chrissy... Thank you for the kind words and for folowing along on my saga. You and the others here help me more than you realize.
H is recovering from the vasectomy ( tomorrow it will be a week). He is sore but otherwise ok and has a doctor's appt tomorrow which will probably give him the green light. Before the procedure, I came to the realization that I have been living in tbhe fantasy that he is magically going to become HD, if I just find the right buttons to push. However, in the course of our convos, he has said that he never has sexual fantasies and he never really feels urges to masturbate, among other things. He considers my erotic books as "stupid stuff." He has a straight forward sex drive, but he is just not that into sex. I guess this is a roundabout way of saying I accept where he is at and I can't change him. I feel more confident that I will not lose this sensual piece of myself that I have discovered...I also feel confident that H will reasonably, in his way, meet my needs. It's ironic that it takes me much more effort to feel sexual than it does my H, but I feel I am more connected to my sexuality than he is and have the greater desire.
This past week has been a " no sex" week ( due to the vas.) and it's given us a chance to build on the emotional connection. We're in a role reversal here in that after 18 yrs of marriage I tend to take the EC for granted, while my H needs to feel that I am loving, nice, warm, non-critical, etc. in order to feel sexual. I am better aware of how my anger and resentment affect him. I also see we both have family of origin issues that get thrown into the picture.
Going to catch up reading here...xo to my BB friends.
