My H is a conflict avoider and really didn't put pressure on me. It was easier for us to not deal with the lack of intimacy and just distract ourselves with life. We both weren't happy underneath and at some point one of us would have ended up being a WAS. Ben Franklin once said, " If there's no love in the marriage there will be love outside the marriage." I'd change that to say that there will be the idea of love outside the marriage at the least.
As you might guess from that quote, we spent the weekend in Philadelphia. After college, H went to grad school in Philly and I did the same in NY; the distance provoked the desire for us to get married, and H moved so that I could be close to my family. The trip brought us back to that early part of our relationship ( we haven't been back in almost 20 yrs), so as the kids were learning about American history, we were reliving a bit of our own. There was so much going on emotionally, reconnecting to our youth, recognizing where we are today, having the kids along...just a lot there that I can't sort out right now. As far as the sex goes, we knew we would ML and set it up that way by getting our own room...we were tired from the day but managed to follow through at nite and more passionately again in the morning. The last thing we did before coming home was visit the Liberty Bell---my H was focused on the mechanics of it all, but symbolically it sort of represents the state of our marriage, fragile and yet enduring.
I was reading GGB's excellent post about the different stages you go through while trying to bring back the passion-- it reminds me of my son's video games ( trying to get through all the levels, getting frustrated, giving up, asking for help, the excitement of getting to the next level, etc). For him, it's easy to know the end point, the game is over...for us on the BB it's hard to know because we have lost touch and aren't sure what we are looking for. I can tell you guys now, it's not about the sex even though it feels that way---the sex is necessary for what it really represents -- emotional connection, about caring about each other and believing in something bigger than yourselves. I have windows of this and then it breaks down, but I am getting there, with the help of this BB. One thing I realize is that our partner's actions have so much effect on us, so be good to each other.
