I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Quote: Lil... You know how GEL said that she rarely cries? Well, I am the opposite of that...my emotions are very apparent, and H is immune to a lot of it. But in this case, I was very anxious, very sad, really at a breaking point, and I think H sensed it.
The emotions and drama of it all stirred up the passion, but it really is draining, and I hope we can find passion from more of a place of " good feeling" between the two of us.
I also cry a lot. TV commercials make me cry. I'm just a total softie.
Regarding the ML: you said the emotions and drama stirred up passion... why do you suppose this is? Is the the drama itself that stirs his passion? Or the fact that you are at the end of your rope? If the latter, what is it about your desperation that releases the part of him that can be passionate? I feel like there is a kernel of something important here... when you are a puddle of melting emotion does he then feel safe with you and can approach you? does he want to protect you? is he able to feel strong because you seem "weak"?
I mean, for some people seeing their SO in a "meltdown" sitch can bring forth strong feelings of tenderness... in others, it can bring out feelings of disgust.
Lil... You are very intuitive. I don't think H truly absorbs how much work and effort I am putting into all of this. Of course, it my choice, but sometimes I am not even aware of how on edge I am. He seems to know how to bait me into anger and doesn't see the toll it's left on me. He mistakes my fieriness ( is that a word?) with strength, and we've already discussed the crying stuff.
I feel I am suppressing my sexual feelings, compromising by making a schedule or ML when he is up to it...there's more here, sometimes the quality of our ML is not the best for me... trying to move us along, being understanding...and he makes a joke about it? I would love the comfort of his body and he sees me as infringing upon him? It just threw me way off and I felt depleted.
In answer to your question, I do think that he sensed my vulnerability at that point and came around...but how do we break this? I can't play at " damsel in distress" so I guess it will take my having a true nervous brekdown to have a decent sex life.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
We ML last nite and again this morning. It was like being with two different people...last nite was very lackluster, but this am H had a lot more energy and passion. He really does feel infringed upon at nite and really just wants to get to sleep. I had been feeling controlled by H's preferences, and then mocked, but he really isn't himself at night. He pushes himself through a lot of resistance which isn't there in the morning, for whatever reason. I feel calmer and more empathic today, and will try to go with what works. He is trying. It does hurt, though, that he sees me as an imposition at night. I guess a good compromise is to keep the Sat nite date night going, and possibly Tues nite since Wed is an easy day for him work-wise, and if that doesn't work, then one day in the morning during the week. Come to think of it, that's the schedule we have been on. I'm back to the same place but now see why. I had grown weary of not being able to be spontaneous, but there really is a reason for it, and it just feels unwise to push for more. There is a point where I just have to accept the HD/LD limitations.
Not to point out the obvious here...but wouldn't you rather shoot for the one day in the morning when you know he's more likely to be "into it" than continue working for the evenings when you know you are going to feel hurt because you feel he views you as an imposition....wouldn't the compromise for a date/time when you know he'll be into it be worth more to you than frequency throughout the week?
IMPO I would prefer to compromise with my H for once a week when "he" feels like it and can be more into it, than 2-3 times a week on a schedule where I feel like he's having to push himself to "perform" because he feels he's expected to...and therefore ends up not being into it as much.
I often notice that many of us (myself included here) say we are willing to compromise when it comes to our SL, date...time...frequency...etc, but we have a tendency to keep striving for what it is that "I" want and occasionally that can appear as pushing or not compromising to meet the LD partner, when they ARE trying and ARE making efforts to meet our needs (I know, I know...not all of our spouses are doing this).
I'm not saying you are doing this...your post just got me to thinking, and this is something I have noticed in myself and in others on here.
GEL... You know, so much of this is patience and compromise, not to mention the hurt feelings because you have to be patient and compromise, that every now and then, I come down with a case of I wantwhatIwant-itis. After yrs of sexual repression, I also get a sprinkling ( okay more than a sprinkling) of itsmytimenow coupled with that ever present lifeisshort dis-ease.
Thanks GEL. It sucks to be on this board, but it's far better than just avoiding and not dealing with the problems. And I have such good company ( not that I'd wish this on anyone else)!
Quote: Not to point out the obvious here...but wouldn't you rather shoot for the one day in the morning when you know he's more likely to be "into it" than continue working for the evenings when you know you are going to feel hurt because you feel he views you as an imposition
The way I took this is that you (IHJ) are lamenting that you cannot be spontaneous with you H. I mean, at least with a schedule, you do ML (which is more than I'm doing ), but it would be nice to be able to let your spontaneous side out without getting the vibe that your desire is a bother.
The C that we went to pointed out that the person with LD is pretty much in charge of when ML happens. It's on their timetable, for the most part.
