Yesterday we had a bunch of kids over, and H walked into that when he came home from work. I knew he must be tired from work, so I let him be while I was doing this-n-that with the kids. H was hanging back, and after awhile I realized I was exhausted, and asked H to do a few things. He quickly responded. It made me think about the times past when I would get super caught up in something, want H to help, but he was tuned out. Part of the problem was me...not expressing what I wanted, expecting H to be aware, and just doing things on my own, not so much to be a martyr, but just because it was easier. That left behind a trail of resentment.
Later in the evening, when the kids were gone, there was a wicked storm, and H lit candles in the bedroom and we cuddled. I put away my HDness to appreciate what I had in front of me, trusting that H will get to the sex part the next day ( the schedule). This is the compromise. It takes more work and effort for H to climb the hill, so I'll wait til he's ready, and he agreed to pack his bags and be ready on two specific days of the week. ( I am thinking of Z-Bube's trip to France analogy...and trying not to think of Hanque). But...on a trip you take baggage....and here I am hoping H will one day rid himself of the baggage.
This morning H initiated ML again...this seems to be a pattern ( glad I am journaling ). It seems if I don't push for ML at nite, he has it in him to initiate in the morning. Maybe he feels the pressure is off or maybe his sex drive is higher in the early am.
