Chrissy, I just turned 40 and have 2 boys, 6 & 8. What age are your kids?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
All getting so darn big. I love toddlers well and infants.
S14 is 5'9 already I am 5'7 something weird about your kids getting bigger then you are. You know it happens but don't know what it is like to look at your "baby" towering above you until it happens.
Those of you who have adopted...what a wonderful thing to do...and a sweet reminder that the motherhood door can remain open. Just need to acknowledge that life changes are a-happenin' and time passes all too quickly. There will be a time when it's just me and my H and I am trying to get ready for that!
We are getting along well this week. I am at this place of accepting that I have the higher sex drive, although I would say that H is more consistent. I feel sexual this week, and would love to ML tonite, but will wait it out for Sat. My moodiness is in check and H doesn't have his controlling attitude. We played tennis yesterday and put in the schedule a few fun things as a couple. H neglected this in the past---would depend on me for " us" things yet would eagerly spend time with friends. I need to feel that somewhere in there I am a priority. Overall, he has been more responsible for my needs and the kids as well.
As things get more secure on the home front, I am toying with the idea of going back to school, learning something different and trying my hand at something new.
Last nite H had plans to go out to dinner with a friend. In the past, he would be more hyped up to do this than spend time with me, and I, in turn, would become resentful. Instead, when he came home from work, he encouraged me to spend a little time together before going out. We took a quick drive to a coffee shop and had some relaxed, bonding time. It's so simple but this is really what I needed...to be seen as a priority, as someone engaging, and not be so taken for granted.
H's plans ended up falling through, so he hung out and played with the kids, and after that he seemed very tired. I tried to control the thought that if he were out with his friend, he would be all animated and revved up. Inwardly, I was feeling sexual, and was thinking about the unfairness of it all; H would have energy for his friend, but home alone at nite with me, he was going to fizzle. I secretly did want him to reach inside and initiate...instead, I asked H to pick up something from the store and I went to bed.
When H came to bed I was pretty much sleeping...he gave a few hugs and fell asleep. I felt good about having the self control not to push the sex issue, since we agreed to the 2x/week schedule and I knew eventually my needs would be taken care of. Not having to push for your needs at the moment because you feel comfortable enough in the overall picture signals to me that I am beginning to have trust in him.
Anyway, this morning, he initiated ML to my surprise. Afterwards, I came downstairs and saw that when he went to the store in the evening, he had brought home some flowers as well. It was a sweet gesture, and I am going to open my eyes more to the ways he shows he is thinking of me. He is really trying to put me on his agenda.
H is still LD in that having had free time with me last nite, he seemed tired, and sex with me at that point was out of the question. I know he would not have been tired had he gone out with his friend. It hurts that ML with me is still pressure for him, but I do believe he is doing his best to show me that he wants me to be happy and feel loved.
Yesterday we had a bunch of kids over, and H walked into that when he came home from work. I knew he must be tired from work, so I let him be while I was doing this-n-that with the kids. H was hanging back, and after awhile I realized I was exhausted, and asked H to do a few things. He quickly responded. It made me think about the times past when I would get super caught up in something, want H to help, but he was tuned out. Part of the problem was me...not expressing what I wanted, expecting H to be aware, and just doing things on my own, not so much to be a martyr, but just because it was easier. That left behind a trail of resentment.
Later in the evening, when the kids were gone, there was a wicked storm, and H lit candles in the bedroom and we cuddled. I put away my HDness to appreciate what I had in front of me, trusting that H will get to the sex part the next day ( the schedule). This is the compromise. It takes more work and effort for H to climb the hill, so I'll wait til he's ready, and he agreed to pack his bags and be ready on two specific days of the week. ( I am thinking of Z-Bube's trip to France analogy...and trying not to think of Hanque). But...on a trip you take baggage....and here I am hoping H will one day rid himself of the baggage.
This morning H initiated ML again...this seems to be a pattern ( glad I am journaling ). It seems if I don't push for ML at nite, he has it in him to initiate in the morning. Maybe he feels the pressure is off or maybe his sex drive is higher in the early am.
LOOKS like you are gonna get ya some 4 times this week lol. You really do know how to make all the other HD people jealous!
The morning sex when you think back is that when H has usually been most receptive or showed you he wanted sex? I know for myself I do not like to be woke up to have sex but if I am fairly awake and H comes in for a snuggle not a grab at something that is when I am more able to respond. I am not thinking of everything that needs done or did not get done or unnerved by my kids daily fighting yet. So my mind is more free to just be where I am at the moment instead of racing away to some other event. Maybe your night time snuggles and cuddles are very relaxing and soothing to him without the pressure and he wakes up feeling renewed and recharged. Things sure seem to be getting better for you as a whole I hope it continues.
Sounds like you are in a good place lately. I really related to your description of H as "tired." The feeling I get from H at times is that he gets overwhelmed and really needs some distance - it is not about me but part of him. I have difficulty with it but am getting better. Your H really seems to be trying.
Chrissy... I don't recall in the past H being a morning person sexually speaking...this seems to be a new thing since the re-emergence of my sex drive and H's corresponding LD-ness. It's probably easier for him to become aroused in the morning because there's no hint of pressure from me since I am asleep ( no, he is not a necrophiliac,lol) and because biologically it's probably easier for him ( I think CeMar mentioned that testosterone is higher in the morning and men sometimes wake up with erections...is this right)? It's a bit hard for me to go from 0 to 60 in the am, but I'm managing.
Anyway, I do appreciate H's efforts to meet me on the schedule, and on some mornings. What's missing from the picture is my being able to ML when my desire is spontaneously high, which occurs at night-time. We talked a bit this weekend about dropping the schedule and ML when I feel the desire, so that I can feel more in control, and go with what my body is telling me. He's saying he feels he is up for this, so we will see.
Karen... The "tiredness" at nite is frustrating...he does like to get to bed early and he wakes up early in the morning, and would prefer just having a bit of cuddle time and getting on with sleep. He has a demanding job...but how many HD men here on the board would prioritize sleep/job alertness for sex? I know I sleep a lot better and feel comforted on the nites we ML...I just don't get it sometimes.
Anyway, I kind of view our struggles as payback for the damage I caused by being so LD, which was in part due to relationship problems which H contributed to, but as the wise Mrs.NOP points out, playing the blame game will get us nowhere. I am into finding solutions and moving towards a more flexible and enjoyable sex life. Patience is a virtue, repeat as necessary.
Quote: This morning H initiated ML again...this seems to be a pattern ( glad I am journaling ). It seems if I don't push for ML at nite, he has it in him to initiate in the morning. Maybe he feels the pressure is off or maybe his sex drive is higher in the early am.
It is said that testosterone levels will peak between 7am and 8am, so it might be totally logical. And for you it could be a comforting thought that his LD is indeed at least partially hormonal. They say testosterone levels increase as you have more frequent sex (the old "use it or lose it"), so I think there is sure hope for you (and your husband of course) for things to get even better.
