Last nite H had plans to go out to dinner with a friend. In the past, he would be more hyped up to do this than spend time with me, and I, in turn, would become resentful. Instead, when he came home from work, he encouraged me to spend a little time together before going out. We took a quick drive to a coffee shop and had some relaxed, bonding time. It's so simple but this is really what I needed...to be seen as a priority, as someone engaging, and not be so taken for granted.
H's plans ended up falling through, so he hung out and played with the kids, and after that he seemed very tired. I tried to control the thought that if he were out with his friend, he would be all animated and revved up. Inwardly, I was feeling sexual, and was thinking about the unfairness of it all; H would have energy for his friend, but home alone at nite with me, he was going to fizzle. I secretly did want him to reach inside and initiate...instead, I asked H to pick up something from the store and I went to bed.
When H came to bed I was pretty much sleeping...he gave a few hugs and fell asleep. I felt good about having the self control not to push the sex issue, since we agreed to the 2x/week schedule and I knew eventually my needs would be taken care of. Not having to push for your needs at the moment because you feel comfortable enough in the overall picture signals to me that I am beginning to have trust in him.
Anyway, this morning, he initiated ML to my surprise. Afterwards, I came downstairs and saw that when he went to the store in the evening, he had brought home some flowers as well. It was a sweet gesture, and I am going to open my eyes more to the ways he shows he is thinking of me. He is really trying to put me on his agenda.
H is still LD in that having had free time with me last nite, he seemed tired, and sex with me at that point was out of the question. I know he would not have been tired had he gone out with his friend. It hurts that ML with me is still pressure for him, but I do believe he is doing his best to show me that he wants me to be happy and feel loved.
