Quick update: H-44 ( almost), I am 43, married 18 yrs, 2 kids. Met in college as friends and then lovers...I was the one to push the relationship along to marriage; both us us really weren't ready but we didn't want to let go either, and that has pretty much been the pattern throughout. Throughout the years my sex drive dwindled, and after becoming a mom I had a different self-identity and being sexual wasn't part of it. We had an ambivalent, confused, non-intimate marriage, neither one of us wanting to take the ultimate responsiblity of ending it. We are both very family oriented and into the kids.
Several yrs ago, after some life changes, I reawakened my desire for sex and intimacy, only to discover my H was quite comfortable with the distance. This has been the journey to keep this part of me going and to heal my marriage, and I thank all of you who have had comments and advice to share...you have helped me so much.
Where it stands now is that H and I want our marriage to be a good one and we are trying to meet our needs better. Overall, I am still the HD one in terms of both sex and the relationship; I guess I have the energy and time now to make this my project and priority. I think I have been too irrationally optimistic about where I can take things....it's like I willfully want to steer the ship around, and my H is co-naviagating, but his direction, because of our past experiences, is different from mine. I have given up the dream of going back to that happy, spontaneous place we once were at; hopefully, we're finding a new land that has some of that. He is making big efforts, but I also see how life stresses are affecting him, and the same is true for me too. I'd like to be able to stay the course and get over past resentments.
I am going to try to post daily...seems to help me stay focused. Insights, comments, ideas, etc are always appreciated.
