That's my gut feeling about it too. I guess my worry was that it fed into the having the cake and eating it too thing.
Zuki, I know everyone is different, but what were some of the 180s that made the most difference to you? And did you think that Zilla's changes were for real?
I can answer that from my perspective - my changes were for real because instead of becoming a different person, I became the person I *had* been before becoming married and a stepmother - etc. I was feeling pretty dowdy there for a little while. I don't know if I really did that many 180s, either. Mostly I GAL and distanced myself, while still remaining loving and supportive of him. I think the thing with my H was being fun and nice, instead of accusing him and making him feel guilty.
Oh, and about the "cake and eating it too" thing - remember he is YOUR H. There is nothing wrong with ML to him. And it's all part of the reconnecting in my book. The oxytocin released bonds people together.
I have to say that ML even when I didn't feel like it, and even when I was convinced H was having sex with OW, was hard. It was the one thing I did through my DB experience that was forced and for a specific purpose.
Thanks for this hijack! it is the same place I am feeling, H is comfortable in how he has reassigned our places in our R and M, it is just what he stated over a year ago what he wanted, friends and business partners, but we don't act married. I've been feeling like I need to do some big shake up to get out of this comfortable rut we are in. This thread is very helpful for me. Thanks!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Just journaling, last night was a very nice night. H stayed home instead of going out with friends (a Thurs night ritual). I didn't feel like going and he chose to stay with me instead of going, which he would usually do.
We stayed home and giggled and talked and cuddled. Very nice, reminiscent of old times.
I'm so confused. I am afraid of him doing these things to me again, of it all being a lie. It's so hard for me to understand.
I feel as if we may need to see a counselor together, to help us through it all. Is there anyone out there who can tell me how their experiences with a counselor were?
Hi Zilla - I am watching and reading your thread and it is very helpful to me. I wish I had some input on joint C with H but my H at the time of the bomb, etc. did not want anything to do with C. He figured at that time I was the cause of all his problems so why would he need to go to C. Anyway, I went to individual C for 2 years and it helped me a great deal. Is Zuki open to joint C? If not, have you ever tried individual C?
I hope you two have a relaxing and peaceful weekend together
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I am afraid of him doing these things to me again, of it all being a lie. It's so hard for me to understand. 