Zilla.. depression. My H is being treated for it and as soon as his meds kicked in - he's looking back at his actions and feeling the same way about them as I am. He said that he was so out of touch with his emotions. That normally a happily M man will tap into his love and commitment for his wife and it stops him from acting on any lustful thoughts he might have. But he said the depression shielded him from all the love he felt for us, and his committment was weak, because being the way he was meant that he was committed to continuing to cause us pain. He "knew" deep in his heart that he needed to be with us, but also knew that he would just continue to cause us pain in his mental state. So, there was a part of him that was as flabbergasted with his actions as I was.. that part made him hate himself and feel guilty. Compounding the depression.. the need for a boost from OW. He just saw himself having a clean slate with her because she didnt know him, and dallied (sp?) with the fantasy that he'd never have to face consequences for his actions, like talking it through with me.. because talking and hearing my pain was the LAST thing he wanted to deal with.
