Piglet - what an awesome post. And what a lucky H you have. Very timely also.
I was just sitting here thinking to myself that this whole posting thing is helping H in ways I had not imagined. I have not yet had a chance to talk to him about it, as we are both at work and it just became clear to me. Perhaps he will post his reply in affirmation or denial here...
I was just thinking that it seems as if H is completely at a loss as to his behavior. Several times he has claimed that he didn't know what he was doing, didn't know why he did the things he did. Didn't get any pleasure out of it, nothing long term anyway. I know from his depression, which is COMPLETELY out of character for him, that this is true. That while he may have gotten a huge ego boost from her, it was quickly eradicated by his guilt and confusion and sense of lost self.
Thinking along these lines, the way he was so disgusted with himself and with her, I wonder if his feelings last year of being "in love" with her were simply his way of easing his guilt. After all, his behavior - if not validated by love - is despicable. But, if it was "true love," perhaps he felt he could better live with himself. He could claim to have been swept away by his soul mate and that there was nothing he could have done to stop it... Of course, even that is BS. If he HAD found his "soul mate" and it wasn't me, he should have been open and broken off with me first... but that's neither here nor there. I have already healed from that part of his betrayal. It's these last lies that are still stinging me.
The one thing I did notice, however, when he reads other people's situations or if I relate something similar to our sitch, he nods and almost seems to smile. Not at their pain, but perhaps at realizing that he is not alone. That these things may not be "normal" but they are not something that no one else has ever gone through before.
So, while I can sit and listen to his "I don't know why I started talking to her again, she just called and we just started talking" and I can say all I want "It's as simple as saying 'I don't want to talk to you' and hanging up the phone." I have never been through what he went through. It is completely out of character for him. And maybe as much as we try to understand "WHY" we may never truly get there. (which is not to say we shouldn't try to understand the "why") But what we may get - at least immediately - is that he is not unique and I am not unique. There are others out there who know what we have each experienced. And that in and of itself is a comfort to us.
Very timely also. 
