Thanks for your posting and answering the questions. It's a great help to me. That's funny because that's what I felt like with the OW. I was not myself. I didn't feel like myself. I didn't like myself. Which is probably why I started drinking like a fish to escape it.
This statement is one that my H makes concerning the "why" he continued to talk to OW. Hearing it from another man, helps so much. He keeps saying that he doesnt know why.. that he wasn't getting anything out of the convos.. that it was stupid.. he didn't realize how much it would hurt me, but should have, etc etc. He also says "that wasn't me.. that man is not the man I am today. The man I am today loves you and would never do that to you"
So thanks, Im relieved that it's not just a bunch of BS and that confusion has a lot to do with it. I think the betrayed spouse sometimes thinks that the unfaithful spouse has set out to hurt them, doesnt care, or doesn't love them. Maybe it's just what it is.. confusion, enjoying the ego boost but in no way choosing that R over the M.. denial, etc. Has not much to do with the LBS as we think.
I apologized to H for being so harsh on him. I accepted your post with compassion, but I haven't accepted his explanation with the same compassion. He deserves that too!
