I'm jumping in the middle of this, and don't know your whole history, so I apologize if I'm in error. I'm posting in Newcomers, and have been thinking about moving to Piecing but I don't know if that's too optimistic for me already. Somedays I feel like I'm piecing, somedays I feel like I'm in pieces.
I really do know how you feel, wanting to stay out of public and curl up under the covers. But in most of those times that I forced myself to go out in public or friends stopped by and 'act as if' I did feel better once I got thru the first few minutes.
OW are all slightly crazy, aren't they? Why can't they just zone in some guy that's not already spoken for, do their own labor to find a good man? Do they think a ring is a target to shoot for instead of shield to stay away from them?
You have an advantage if you can see it that way right now. You have Zuki right there with you and even though you may not want to right now, turn to him for support, lean on him to help you thru this. Yes, that would be very hard to turn to the man who has hurt you, but I would sure be running into my H's arms if he held them open for me.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.