Hey all. Thanks for being such good friends. My heart goes out to you all that have to deal with this again, even if it is just the "fear" of it happening again. Deb, please hang in there. Give him faith. You may be hurt again, it's true. I can't say it won't happen. Look at me... I had faith, and I was wrong.
WCW - wow, I will have to read your sitch. I truly feel for you. My H never had a PA, it was only (and I use the word "only" here lightly because for me, it is worse) an EA.
Maybe you all can help us. I know you had questions for him, and I am sure Zuki will answer them for you.
In the meantime, here is the full sitch... This girl he works with, a S. American here on a visa, became friends with him... fast forward, at some point, she left him a voice mail saying she loved him. Suddenly, he began to think of her as more than a friend. This is not something he looked for... we were happy at the time, but I was admittedly absent from our M due to other obligations.
He was both attracted to her and annoyed with her because she is not well educated and doesn't speak very good English. And he knows no Spanish... so, the EA was mostly ego stroking, I guess.
Later, after he broke it off, I guess she called for him to mail her some of her last paychecks... she has moved from MA to NY (thankfully) and that is what got their conversations started again.
During the first time, I got the ILYBNILWY. H was withdrawn, cold to me. Couldn't kiss me or ML - guilty I guess. Said he felt towards me more like a sister/brother but couldn't be in love with me anymore.
The second time, he was happy with me, friendly, fun, told me he loved me often, etc. etc. (Deb, I am NOT trying to scare you - remember, my H is not your H) He has also said that he was annoyed with her, annnoyed when she called him, and never said ILY to her this time, but he did lead her on to think we were close to D. Why??
Anyone? Anyone? WHY? If he is not in love with her, is in love with me, thinks she is annoying, etc. WHY would he risk losing me for a few phone calls?
My thoughts - the "high" he gets from talking to a girl who flatters him to this extent proved too much for him to resist. For some reason, he seems to be immune to my flattery. Maybe like when my mom tells everyone I am the most beautiful, smart, talented and accomplished girl ever, I write it off to her being my mom... maybe it's like that with him? Maybe he feels it is my wifely duty when I flatter him?
It's not, by the way. This man is gorgeous, but he just doesn't see that in himself. He never sees the girls I see looking at him when we are out.
So, my question here is - what next? Can we repair this? Do I want to? This is not a man who has a history of lying AT ALL. He never lied to me before this whole mess. But, then again, we have been together for 7 years and two of them he has been having an EA behind my back. Does that make him a habitual liar?
Any thoughts? Questions? He is searching for answers to help him understand WHY so he doesn't do it again... I am trying to search myself to find out if I want to stay or go. Sadly, because I truly feel we were meant to be together.
