Thanks RZ for shedding some light in a different way. When I met H, I was a strong independant woman. Supported myself for 18 years. I did most things on my own. H came along and took the burden off small things and I enjoyed a little break.
His control went so much deeper. As an example, he wanted to put my shoes on me when I got ready for work, sometimes would even lay my clothes out. When I told him I could really do that on my own, he would get angry.
So its not a matter of H being tired of doing for me, its something he enjoyed, but he carried it to far. I believe he wanted me to be "out of control" so he felt in control. Like the saviour of me. And that is his pattern with women for the past 20 years. He has had a new woman every six months.
Counceling, yes, he wont do it though. One time when we were dating he told me he wondered why he could never have a stable relationship, what is wrong with me, he quoted. So he recognizes on a certain level that he needs to work on some things.
I have no choice but to be back to controlling my own life, I have been separated over a year now and H tells me he prays for "someone to take care of me" But Im doing that on my own. Its what I have learned to do in the school of hard knocks.
So any light you shed is so helpful since you both are working through your problems. This thread will be an educational experience as opposed to the venting part of it, which we all need too! Much appreciated!
Much appreciated! 
