Welcome to the board, Rottzuki! And HI to you, rottzilla! This is a great thread, and I'm so glad you're both here to find some better ways to piece your relationship back together! You've been getting some great input so far, and are providing inspiration to many others here!
Forgive me if I hit and run on a few things here, but not much time, and wanted to throw in some things to think about!
From VJ38.....
I think we all have these personality traits that can cause friction in a marriage, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to handle them. In my case, I would have liked it if H would have learned to say "Hey, you are taking over again, step back and let's rethink - I want to have an opinion here". I probably would have laughed and agreed, b/c I recognize that in myself. But when it is not communicated, and the other partner withdraws and resents, that is when trouble starts.
Yes, this can be a biggie to overcome. When it comes to confrontation over things like this, what things do you do to make it "safe" for your partner to open up, and voice their thoughts and concerns to you? How do you "reward" this positive behavior, and let them know that this is what you want more of? When do these conversations work out the best for you, and your partner? What are you doing during these times, and saying, or maybe more importantly, NOT saying?
What things might you do to immediately shut down this conversation? How might your partner feel "punished" by you for speaking their mind? What do you typically do, and what might you be able to do different?
This one really struck home with me. Had another instance of this at my house this morning. However, what in the past would have dragged on for days or weeks was over in about 10 minutes, and we're pretty much done with it, and back on track!
JJ
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