Quote: Sometimes I feel like screaming at you "OF COURSE I am the one in control. *I* am the only one who ever TAKES control. *I* don't LIKE being in control, but I have to because SOMEONE in this relationship has to CONTROL the money and the vacation schedule and our dogs -etc etc etc. Don't you think I would LOVE to just let go sometimes and have someone else worry about the constant stress of running a household and family?
I get excited when H says that he wants more control because to me, that means 'hey, now maybe I will get some time to myself. Maybe I will be able to share the burden and relax more...' Then, he never does anything, and I am still left with the workload and he is left resenting me for being the one with all the answers.
Rottzilla - YES! This is what I have tried to say on more than one occasion! I didn't take over and do everything just because I wanted that control. I did it because it needed done, and I knew H worked hard at his job, and I was lucky enough to be home. So slowly, I started doing more and more, thinking I was a good wife and showing my love by "taking care" of the details for him. But he didn't see it as loving at all, where I would have, had he done the same for me! I NEVER wanted to be in control, and always said it felt unbalanced, but when its June and no vacation is planned yet, I would plan it. When the bills needed paid, and he didn't have time, I would pay them. Eventually, I was handling the money and practically giving him an allowance, but that would not have been my choice. It just evolved over time.
