Zilla, My H is a sortof passive person. And I don't mean that in any sissy/wimpy way. It's just his personality. Some people are leaders, some are followers. He is more of a follower, although he gets VERY resentful at times about that very fact--here I am, following along with her a-gain!
I have a guilt inducing MIL as well. Nicest woman on earth but tricky to deal with. If you don't read minds, oh man, you are hosed when dealing with her! If you don't say something or do something that she was expecting then you get the silent treatment or martyr treatment. I can be sortof dense and oftentimes don't realize that I've done something offensive to her.
Zuki, how are you with being direct? I ask only because my husband sounds a lot like you and he has an impossible time with being direct. He wants me, and everyone else, to read between the lines. I have gotten used to having to do this with him but I do get resentful of it at times. I am supposed to notice things like: he hasn't had a chance to shower yet and if I were a thoughtful wife, I'd shoo him off to take care of that. Well, I just don't notice! Or, rather, I do notice but I would never in a million years think that it is my place to tell someone else to take care of themselves. Anyway, so I pointed out to him that it is hard living with a person who is not direct and I asked him to try to be more direct when talking to me. He is so sweet natured and kind that I know he would never cross the line from direct to blunt or pointed, kwim? So I've been gently encouraging him to be direct and so far, so good. It is, as you say, a fine line between encouragement and control, so I pick and choose my times to say something wisely.
This was a convoluted message. I'm sorry for that. I've tried to write it a couple of times and gave up. Just wanted to chime in!
