You know, I want to justify my actions a bit... just to tell my side...
I have been trying every way I can for years and years to get H to see he can do what he wants when he wants to, and still, I am doing everything all wrong. Maybe you can all help us find out (I like Honey's suggestion...) how I can act that H will find acceptable.
What if I told you every day I don't like blue eye shadow, but I continued to put on blue eye shadow. So, you say "try green eye shadow." Now, what if I told you I felt you were controlling me by making that suggestion. Then, right afterwards, I put on blue eye shadow again, and say I don't like it. Wouldn't you be frustrated? That's how I feel.
H says there is a problem, again and again, but never does anything different. So, when I get so upset that he is unhappy and finally try to help him fix it, he gets upset with me for trying to fix it. But, meanwhile, he never (never say never, right??) does anything but complain and keep letting it happen. I feel like I am stuck in a catch 22, either I help him, which gets him upset and feeling like I control everything, or I don't, which gets him feeling like I control everything.
Maybe honey is right, and I should just detach and ignore you when you voice those feelings. But, then I feel like I am ignoring my H when he needs me to listen and help.
Plus, I take it personally as it is always "YOU are too in control and *I* feel out of control." Sometimes I feel like screaming at you "OF COURSE I am the one in control. *I* am the only one who ever TAKES control. *I* don't LIKE being in control, but I have to because SOMEONE in this relationship has to CONTROL the money and the vacation schedule and our dogs -etc etc etc. Don't you think I would LOVE to just let go sometimes and have someone else worry about the constant stress of running a household and family?
I get excited when H says that he wants more control because to me, that means 'hey, now maybe I will get some time to myself. Maybe I will be able to share the burden and relax more...' Then, he never does anything, and I am still left with the workload and he is left resenting me for being the one with all the answers.
Can I say I just feel like it is hopeless? I know it isn't, but it feels that way sometimes.
