imo, it's not controlling to ask him to divulge his feelings--he's an equal partner in the M, and that's expected kwim? You're not a mind reader, blah blah.
However, when he does reveal his feelings--as he did with the independence/freedom stuff, then the control came in when you replied, Oh!! Ok, well here's what you should do....
Perhaps you can practice just letting him put his feelings to words and saying, I support you in whatever you do to try and alleviate that feeling.
That way, you put the onus on HIM to foster his own independence (where it belongs, after all) and you take yourself out of the controlling seat.
