As usual Sage, you are right on. I just get frustrated because H says quite often that he feels out of control and I am in control, yet when I tell him to go ahead and do what he wants, he just keeps on not taking time for himself.
How am I supposed to let him know that it is OK to take time for himself without telling him it is? I just don't know. I have felt a long time like I have been trapped in this mess. If I say "go ahead and take time for yourself," now I am scheduling, but if I don't say anything, he feels like he "can't" because he has so many other "chores" that have to be done first.
Like sometimes I will get up and start cleaning house and he will be laying in bed relaxing. He will get up and start cleaning, although I know that he has had a tough week and would likely rather stay in bed. Now, don't get me wrong, I love that he is caring and so concerned for me that he feels he has to pitch in. But sometimes it's that sense of responsibility that makes ME feel trapped. Then I feel like I have to sit down and watch television or else he will be miserable.
Now, that brings me back to the DB mantra Michele says, which is "if they don't want to do it, they wouldn't be doing it." Right? But I think some of you can see what I am saying.
I guess what my post was meant to say was not how it came out. So, thank you for pointing it out, and please let me rephrase... "hey, H, I am letting you know that your sentiment about needing you time is OK with me. I am trying to let you know that I love you and sometimes need time apart also, to find time to center myself and make myself stronger and happier so when we ARE together, we can be the happiest we can be. I WANT you to take time for yourself. I am not giving you "permission" because you don't need that from me. But what I am doing is trying to convey that not only is it OK with me, but very important to me that you do take time for yourself. However, given past performance, I have my suspicions that rather than you taking the time you and I need to make this relationship work, I feel that perhaps you will continue to complain about it and not actually take action to make that time happen. Instead of ASSuming this, however, I will make it a point to believe that you will see the importance of "you" time and will make that time for yourself for the betterment of our marriage."
There, was that better put? I hope so, because I really don't want to be a controlling person. My stepmother once told me that I am a stressful person to be around becuase I am always going and going and it makes those around me feel as if there is a whirlwind around me and it stresses them out. I don't want to be that person. I know my H has become more stressed since we have been together, and I don't want that to happen. He is such a laid back person and it is one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place. Because he stopped my world from spinning long enough for me to actually enjoy it. I don't know what drives me so hard, but I never do anything half assed. Instead, I probably go to the other extreme. I really just want to be able to slow down. But it is so hard...
