Former DBer and H need your help

[sage]

Rottzuki,

WELCOME!!! I think it's awesome that you are here! And I love the beautiful words that Rottzilla has written about your reconcilliation.

I'm not sure how I would answer the question. I think the first thing that comes to mind is that I had a part of my life that was my own.

I don't find this confusing or surprising at all (although 5 years ago I would have). One of the major signs I missed in my M with h was how he felt about not having any space -- not even that I was crowding him (though I'm sure I was) but more that we were both so laden with expectations and "shouldas" and "musts" about the physical and emotional parts of our M that I don't think he felt there was room for him to relax and make his own decisions and have his own thoughts, etc. TBH, there are times when I fear that he still feels that way but isn't even aware of it...he often says stuff like "IF it's ok with you I"m going to ..." . When I tell him it makes me feel like he's asking me permission, he says he's not really, it's just his way of communicating (must be a mars thing!).

Anyway, as for the PI reason you're here...I'm wondering if expectations or shoulds or the feeling of demands is playing into the problem?

And, of course, Michele would ask "what's different about the times when you DO feel like PI with w? what are you each doing differently?"

Sage

PS My h is LD than I am and has said in the past that sometimes if it's been too long since he's initiated he feels even more unsure about doing it...one thing that sometimes works for folks is actually having schedule PI -- it's kind of like exercise...you don't want to do it if you haven't in a while but once you force yourself to do it a few times....