hi! im checking in again- i thought this necessary as i feel quite positive today- and dont want all my messages to be negative- coz im sure theres plenty out there who want a bit of hope.
I was anxious as per usual when i woke up- H had gone to work (which upset me coz hes sposed to be takin some time off to spend with me)& i felt lonely and in shock as i always do wen i wake up.
beside me was a not from H- it read: Messy, ill msg you from work!!sorry?I just am too poor..... but we can do some fun after... maybe u could meet me in the city? or we could go away for the night? i love you...speak to u lata.xxx luv H
now please dont get angry and envious all of you out there- this letter is by no means reassuring to me as H has been told by me many a times that a simple little note can help me through the day--- H also under instruction from C to hang in there and spend the next week focusing on R-- so really there is possibly NO meaning behind this note..BUT the effort he made is why i am happy....
the other reason i am truly happy is i have spent the day srumming away at my guitar singing Jewel songs at the top of my voice- despite being really crap at the guitar (only know a few chords) - this was very theraputic for me and got me thinking some powerful stuff.
Just thought Id stress to you all the power of music LISTEN TO SOME MEANINGFUL MUSIC when youre down- and it jsut reaffirmed to me the importance of doing some of the things you love which you havent done in a long time.
Iv ealso been reflecting heaps on why H may be falling out of love with me... I have been a bore these past few years.... that is not necessarily my fault- but its just happened- i have been taking on too many responsibilities and stressing about money, clothes and the dishes for too long, and have really lost a chunk of who i am.... i have not been there for my H and given him time and affection - as he has not done for me either...
i just pray that its not too late for us to work on this stuff... hmm also had a look at the Dr Phil website today- theres some good stuff and questionairres on there about relationships- worth having a squiz I think
well, Im off now - hopefully will be spending the night at the beachhouse with H tonight-- will keep u all posted how we go! xxx
