hi guys- just thought id keep u all updated--- well i went to Hs exhibition-- it went really well for him- he won an excellence in illustration award- i got quite upset- it was really hard work-- i just wanted to be so happy for him, but i couldnt get resentment out of head thinking ' i got you here and now you may be leaving me' ohhhhhh so hard all this! we had a reasonably good night- lots to drink- i got really mad at him at one stage for not walking his mum back to her car etc- and called him every name under the sun-- this was a bit harsh really- and i probably stuffed up all the positive stuff! H eworked really hard at supporting me the whole night - made sure i wasnt lonely etc- so that was nice.
yesterday- I lost the plot again- did all the 'why' i cant beleive your doing this to me etc etc - but we also had some good chats about the R-- all still very hard though
We had first counselling session today- the lady was really nice - the whole session was basically her talking to H- she basically told him to hang in there and that she feels if he can overcome this hurdle rather than run off it will really help him grow and become a better person and find a kind of love he hasnt known yet-- this was good !! I was very happy with her attitude- the goal for the week is for H to stop thinking 'what if i cant fix this' and spend the week putting some hard effort into the R. C sugggested i dont do any of the planning organising- its important for him to do this..... oh oh- we'll probably do nothing then! he he......
we went out for lunch which was quite nice... its jsut so hard even going out now coz i feel like i cant be myself coz Im too dull ... i know this is terrible and i shouldnt be doin this to myself- but its really a hard thing to get out of my head!! xxxxxxxxx
