ahhhhh - the not harassing him thing goal is really not going well!he he - oops- am so angry today still- sick of letting the anger bubble inside - so i went off my tree!- oops.....im really trying to contain myself from doing a movie moment- smashing all his stuff, chucking out on the front lawn and screaming ' if u cant even make a bit of effort or talk to me- then --- off!' im sure i would truly regret this though-- its a nice little fantasy though! H is now saying he wont go away with me anymore- its too 'uncomfortble' for him.... hes doing such a good job of protecting himself through all this.... I wish i was so good at it!! i know i can be good at it- but just cant seem to allow myself to feel good about anything!!
im seriously considering going to the pub and just picking up anyone- - - just so i can feel attractive again, jsut so i can hav a conversation with a man truly interseted in me again.... i know this is so dumb- and i shouldnt have to rely on another person to make me feel happy about myself...i guess i kinda want to do that aswell hoping he gets hurt by it in some way--- how evil is that! i just feel that if he had any idea what im going through and the rejection i feel--- he surely couldnt do this to me! i dunno -what a morbid, sad person ive become!
sorry guys for being so depressing--- i promise i will find some positives and let u know soon
