Sorry to have caused so much angst over the weekend. Hey, SOMEBODY's gotta get some action on our usually-dead Sat/Sun time period!
I can only speak for myself, and shouldn't have professed to speak for other HDs. But my original two points -- and I still stand by them -- are:
1) Whether intentional or not (and I do think that it's not always intentional), "bait and switch" is a real source of resentment and hurt for me. Many, many relationships seem to be HD/HD (or at least compatible sex drives) in the beginning of the marriage, and then become a "clashing libidos" later on. I think most of us could have lived with this situation IF IT HADN'T BEEN FAR, FAR BETTER AT ONE POINT.
2) The loooooong list of "to-do's" make me feel like I am last on my wife's priority list. This has caused serious damage -- perhaps even irreparable -- to our marriage. My wife can legitiately point to any one, or even several, of the items on her "list," and can logically justify why that took priority at the time. But again, OVER TIME, to have SO many things that take a front seat to making love -- despite knowing how important it is to me -- only makes what ought to be the #1 relationship in the household (Husband-Wife) a distant #3, or worse (remember, many of us have said in our HHs that the PETS receive greater affection and attention than we do; certainly the CHILDREN in the contemporary American household have become the #1 focus).
I never claimed there was any ill intent here; just hurt and damage , over time.
