Re; jenoftheisland You can hardly hold that against someone years later... it was done during the dating game.
Jen, I hardly call dating with the intent of getting married a "game" and think it is a time to quit playing games and get real. Hence the pretending to like camping was all a lie. Not fair / foul.
Can you imagine why someone would pretend to be a highly sexed individual in order to attract another highly sexed individual, only to have to try to avoid that very activity for the rest of the marriage, risking your spouse looking elsewhere or leaving you over it??? I agree with you 100%. Pretending before marriage only sets you up for failure later.
I am not trying to imply people act HD on purpose before marriage when in fact they are LD.. And I agree with you things get in the way of having sex and ML. What I want to get across is for some people ML is the one thing in marriage that feels so special. To me no sex is like never having icecream again. I don't need a lot, but having almost none is depressing.
Sure, kids needs often come first and sometimes you have no control over things like the car quitting that cause you no end to your frustrated feelings. Sometimes sex/ML has to happen so the HD person does not think about sex most of the day.
Yes the LD person has her/his needs too. Some of those needs are not being fulfilled by the spouse but should be.
Maybe the LD needs to say "Hon, I know you like sex and I feel I need __________. If you would help me with _________, I will have some time (day, hour) to have some of your kind of fun.
This notion of waiting until you feel like ML is a dangerous path to follow. The no or very little sex path usually leads to resentment and is a circular downward sprial.
Sorry you don't have the same desire as your H has. I feel for you and your H. I don't think you wanted to be LD but that seems to be the way it is. I am not advocating you are in the wrong or should do what ever it takes to keep your H happy while you are miserable. That does not work.
The main thing I am suggesting is you don't wait till most things get better to feel good about sex. Figure out a couple things you like about ML and see if you can use those thoughts so you don't totally disconnect from the feelings that once were connected with ML.
Don't get like me. I don't want to give up ML/sex but sometimes the price is too highwhen trying to work with a LD spouse. I am almost certain if I left the M, my W would see the importance of sex/ML. Too bad it works this way sometimes. I don't want something like that to happen to you. I don't think anyone likes to be in a situation like that.
