Lou,

Quote:

And I will say bait and switch has been a problem in some peoples marriage like the gf that went camping with her bf before they got married but now she admits to hating camping.




You can hardly hold that against someone years later... it was done during the dating game.

Bet you never farted in front of your W when you were first dating. Bet you never picked your nose, or peed in front of her (insert any number of rude/icky things people do in front of their partners) either. Bet you used great manners, acted like a gentleman and avoided foul language too. It's called dating, my friend! No one actually shows all their warts during that time, or fewer of us would be married today!!! I'm not saying it's ok to cover up major faults in order to 'trick' someone into getting married, because that's just wrong. But to cover up the fact that you're not really crazy about camping just to spend some time with a person you really like... I think we've all been there! I don't consider changing one's mind about something 'bait and switch'. Just because it's something that has remained really important to you, doesn't mean it stays important to her.

Can you imagine why someone would pretend to be a highly sexed individual in order to attract another highly sexed individual, only to have to try to avoid that very activity for the rest of the marriage, risking your spouse looking elsewhere or leaving you over it??? I can't imagine it, and that's what I'm basing my arguement on.

Think of sex for LD/HD like this:

I LOVE chocolate cake! There is nothing I wouldn't do for chocolate cake as long as it's legal and moral! My H on the other hand is very lukewarm about chocolate cake... take it or leave it. He'll eat it occasionally, but most times he'll skip desert if it's offered.

Now, across town is a huge chocolate cake sale. It will take 1 hour to get there, a wait of about 30 minutes to purchase your cake, plus the drive home. I will have to get a babysitter for the kids as this is an adults only activity, and H need to grab a shower first and have a bite of lunch before we go. As well, H will need to put gas in the car and check the oil.

In that case, it makes total sense that I'll call a babysitter and get lunch on right away. I expect H to run and get his shower, then head out to fill the car and check the oil while I get his lunch ready. I also expect that he will come right back from the garage, eat his lunch and we'll be on our way! I expect this because H knows how much I love cake, and it's not something I can ask another person to get with me. He should want to help me get cake because of how much he loves me! I could go myself, but then I miss out on all the great conversations/connections H and I will have during the drive.

H, on the other hand, doesn't think that driving 2 hours, waiting 30 minutes in line for the cake, as well as enduring all the other 'getting ready' chores is really worth it for a piece of cake. He knows I LOVE it, but it's a lot of work and he does have the lawn to mow before the rain starts later today. Now granted, the lawn could wait, but he's really proud of the way his lawn looks because the neighbours always notice! And knowing that people are taking notice of the great lawn he keeps really fills up his tanks!

Bottom line, more than likely no cake for me!!! It sucks, but how can I make H feel differently about it??? How do I convince H that he will love the activity once we're 'on the road'? That, in my opinion, is the real question. Now, sometimes H will just do it in order to make me feel good, but if he's not feeling totally content/relaxed/happy today, or if he's feeling a bit tired or perhaps underappreciated, why should he take me?

Jen ~puzzled about how to convince myself I LOVE chocolate cake