Quote: At any given moment, any ONE of these things may indeed me the most important thing to be done. But OVER TIME, to continue to do ALL of these things, and put off speaking to a spouse in their primary love language, says to the spouse "You are last on my priority list."
Choc,
The job doesn't become the most important thing to do during our day, and it certainly doesn't mean that we have actually put sex on the bottom of our 'list' according to priority. What all these jobs/expectations do is destroy desire. It kills that part inside us that feels carefree, fun and sexy. It makes us feel like we are a machine with just too many jobs to do, and yes... sex just becomes another job at that point.
It's not a choice, and that is where I see so many HD individuals missing the point. We're not sitting there trying to add to our list of jobs! We're not hoping that the toilet overflows so that we can use that as an excuse to avoid sex! It is just a case of desire getting burried under expectations and other commitments that perhaps can't be put off at that moment. Or it gets burried under resentment and anger... difficult place to dig it out of at times.
Now, I'm not saying that folding socks cannot be put off for a bit, or that any job is more important than having sex with your spouse, but often it's not that you are actually replacing sex with another job. You are just too 'used up' to give any more.
I really find that when H encourages me to take time out to relax (tub with a glass of wine for example) that I can connect with the sexy side of me, and 'wash away' the mom side for a bit. But if I haven't had a moment for myself, I find it really difficult to 'switch gears' and so I tend to avoid it at that point. It will take way, WAY too much time to get in the mood and actually 'finish'! I usually also end up worrying that H is either getting tired, or that he is getting close to 'finishing' on his own, and then end up not enjoying it as much as I could be. Not exactly a great motivator!
I guess I wanted to help you understand that we aren't here trying to find reasons not to have sex. It's just not one of our LLs so that it becomes something we can go without in order to accomplish something that may actually fill our tanks in a different way(I actually love to see all the socks folded! Gives me great satisfaction!). I just don't have the need for large amounts of sex, so the motivation is not there.
