He has recently admitted that he maybe a little to controlling and agressive. And after a year or so of me asking him to seek C for this. He has I doubt he is really addressing many issues as it is not in his nature to admit fault plus he seeks validation more then insight. And does not handle constructive critism well he becomes very defensive which does not allow him to hear what is really being said. But his going was a babystep. And his C is more of the bandaid type C he does not address the behavior or reasons behind it he only addresses modification of reaction. He gives options for how to react. Instead of yelling walk away for 2 minutes count to 20 ect before you act. I don't know how much in truth that this type of C helps and for how long. As for him realizing his responsibility for his own plight no he does not my H lays all responsibilty for his happiness on me he also lays all blame for his unhappiness on me. In his opinion I am the only one who really needs to change. I need to change to be what he wants me to be.
I noticed you said in another post you don't think your H will go back to the C to finish his sessions....you also don't know if he's really addressing the issues. This seems to be a great time to start seeing a couples MC. This way if he doesn't bring up issues you feel are important YOU can. It's been really helpful for my H and I.
This past week is the 1st time we've ever even come close to a heated discussion in front of our C....which as strange as it may sound is actually improvement as far as our communication goes...because of that heated discussion, our C is getting a real taste of where we are at, and where my H is really resisting.....and where my faults lay as well.
Your last post was heartbreaking. I think your C might be damaging the sitch. He/she isn't holding your H accountable. I urge you to get a new one. Our last one didn't help much.
I said something to H last night about going back to his C after yet another explosion of his. He did not comment. Do I feel he will go back to a MC no but I am going to ask. He feels I have the upper hand in MC because I articulate better then him. And that the MC is always on my side because of that and the fact I am a female. So it probably will not happen.
Karen, Sorry that my words were so down that it would make you feel that way. They really were not written from a bad place it is just as it is to me and sometimes acceptance of that is a sad thing.
I don't think C is really hurting the situation nor do I really feel he is helping it. H only has 2-3 more sessions with this C for his anger management issue. So even if he chooses to finish up with it that will not for very much longer. H had reported great progress to C with controlling his temper. Well that was because I was treading water very slowly to not disturb the calm and he had nothing to react to. In the last week or so he has had blow up after blow up so much for that progress. But if he goes back to C I doubt he will address or admit to this behavior.
I personally think he needs a fair amount of GOOD counselling. He needs to change big time. I did notice that you said he blames you for his unhappiness and also makes you resposible FOR his happiness. Can you tell me how he should make himself a happier person? I have struggled with this question for over 2 years, and I still have no idea how to make myself happier. I know what would make me happy and I can not have it. So how can a man make himself happy?
