Just to add my own two cents opinion, wanting someone to want you, and wanting them to want you in just one certain sort of way seems to be the kind of obsessive thought pattern that HD people who are suffering from lackanookie go through quite naturally. Not that obsessing is natural, but it happens when put into the stressful position of wanting (natural appetite, God given desire for sex and intimacy) and not receiving (I can't get no satisfaction).
I don't think, and I don't know why because I'm not in that place personally, that people who are in a R where both partner’s needs, spiritual, mental, and physical are being met are obsessing about how they want to be wanted and want to be wanted in a certain special way. Instead, they are thinking, planning, scheming how to play out the next concerto of fulfillment on their loved one. When there is acceptance of one's own fulfillment and the openness to your significant other's fulfillment, there is no need to obsess over wanting to be wanted, and wanting to be wanted in a certain sort of way. Instead you have self differentiation, self soothing, and acceptance of others because you can stand on your own two feet against any windstorm that comes along.
But how do you get there? Personally, I'd rather obsess over getting there than over wanting to be wanted, KWIM?
But then again, if wanting to be wanted is choice A and wanting to be self-differentiated is choice B, there must also be choice C, which is both A and B?
