I really do understand that desire. It feels good to be wanted and it feels good to be loved. However, what I am really hearing is: I want someone to want me exactly the way that I want them to. IMO, that is akin to unconditional love. It's not in the repertoire of adult relationships. The most we can do is request (and foster the conditions for) behavior that feels loving to us.
As soon as the line is crossed, as soon as we start longing for these unattainable things to fill the holes within us, the conversation immediately deteriorates to coercion and control. How can I convince her? How can I get leverage? Yuck.
Why is it wrong to want this, from the person to whom you gave the rest of your life, and who promised to love and cherish YOU?
How is that "coercion and control"?
I can see where it's unhealthy to continue in a relationship where you're not GETTING love and desire, and I can see where one needs to work on themselves and "control the things that they can control," but where is it written in the stars that it's wrong to merely want this?
