Choc, there is little difference in the point, just a difference (as you noted) in the heat and finesse of the delivery.
This doesn't apply across the board, but many of the folks here are dealing with a level of disrespect, unkindness, rudeness, entitlement, and selfishness from their spouses that should be addressed even before the sexual issues are attempted.
How can you ask for your deepest needs from someone who OVERTLY treats you like sh*t on a regular basis with little or no modicum of respect and who evidently goes forward thinking that it's alright and acceptable to do so?
Many of these relationship seem to have no *foundation* from which to have a discussion, much less to address something as touchy as sexuality.
I don't get the hour or more foot rubs. I don't get the cooking most of the meals and doing the majority of the housework. I don't get the buying of gifts. I don't get the special plans for anniversaries. I don't get the one-way spousal kowtowing. I don't get the spousal conniption-fits that are tolerated.
Until there is some basis for a mutually-respected relationship - there is NO way that you'll ever get the sexual side of your marriage fixed.
Somewhere your (rhetorical you) marriage lost (if it ever had) equitable partners. So many of you are just downright bullied, and not just over sex.
If you can get the f*cked up relationship somewhat balanced, the sexual issue has a good chance of getting fixed.
You guys need to get some of your personal power back.
