How do you describe the (nearly) perfect mate?

[CeMar]

GEL:

The ideal mate would love me for who "I" am...
...would be willing to share his deepest secrets and wildest fantasies.
...would be able to talk with me about anything openly/honestly...regardless of the topic.
...would prefer spending time with me rather than taking care of household chores.
...would be a caring/giving/loving father who spends time with his children and shares the disciplinarian role (my H is this in spades!).
...would have a healthy sense of humor, being able to laugh at himself and at me.
...would be supportive of my goals as I am of his.
...would have a good work ethic and be a responsible/dependable provider for the family (as am I).
...would show his desire for me in different ways (verbally, physically).
...would enjoy pleasing me physically as much as I enjoy pleasing him.

This is perfect. I would love a women just like you. But you are HD now. My wife would LOVE it if I accepted her for who she is, a no desire women. But if I accept her for who she is, then most everything else on your list would either be severely hampered or eliminated all together. I guess that is the difference between HD and LD women though.

[LostGal]

Hi All.

A perfect mate, from my deprived point of view, would be someone that sees with his heart and mind. ATM H looks at me and sees me well; he stares. He doesnt see the pain. He doesnt think of me personally. He cares for my food needs; but not the nourshment for the emotions. He is 13 years old with his expertise and I don't want to work with that.

Given up, pulling weeds and planting iris.

[Chrissy]

CeMar,

To her sex and affection are extremely low on the "emotional needs index".

What is higher up on her emotional needs index?

"acts of service person

Does she allow acts of service that involve contact. ie back rubs, foot rubs, massages?

I noticed on another thread you stated
I know my own wife is willing to have sex because I "need" it. I HATE this.

I wanted to ask you a question about this.
If you wife is a ND and she has sex with you to fufill your needs do you not look at this as a act of love?
Her want to fufill you even though it does not fufill her in the same manor seems unselfish of her and shows she cares enough about you to try to fill your love tank.
I understand that you want to feel passion coming from her to feel desired by her. But from that statement it does seem that she desires to make you happy. May not be 100% of what you want but is this not a attempt to meet you in the middle? Just curious.

[nightrunner]

Perfect mate?........My wife, with more cuddling, kissing, and love making. Those are the only things I am missing. I could not say that about any other female I have ever seen or met. My wife does it for me.....except for a little more cuddling, kissing, and love making.

[jenoftheisland]

I know my own wife is willing to have sex because I "need" it. I HATE this.

Cemar, take this as the ultimate expression of love, and her full attempt at giving you what you desire... her.

It's not enough to say you want her to want you. You need to appreciate the fact that she is willing to try, and that she is at least getting close to the target. Gosh, I'd get pretty discouraged if my H didn't appreciate the efforts I make to show him how much I want him to be happy. You are looking for 100% effort, and not recognizing it when you see it.

As for the 'nearly perfect mate', I'd say it would be a combination of someone who is physically attractive, as well as someone with intelligence and strength. Someone willing to want me to succeed over and above his own success, and someone who wants to put me first, above himself. (I will give the same, of course.) I would also want someone with kindness, compassion, and humour.

Jen

[MrsNOP]

have been trying to figure out how to come up with a term that describes the nearly ideal mate. I have used "Lovers" in the past but this seems to describe most a physical relationship to many, not quite an overall relationship. "Companion", well that really does not include the physical side of a relationship, so definitely not the kind of spouse for me. "Soul Mate"?

My Beloved.


I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine. I am my beloveds and his desire is towards me."

"My beloved spoke and said to me: Rise my love, my fair one and come away.

Let us get up early to the vineyards, let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear and the pomegrantes bud forth: there I will give you my love.

And our bed is green."

~ Song of Solomon

MrsNOP - That one's got my vote.

[Webermiester]

CeMar:

Nice to see you posting a thread, is life getting any better in the CeMar house? Baby steps count, you know.

You wrote:

My wife would LOVE it if I accepted her for who she is, a no desire women.

CeMar, if she were perfect she would also accept that you are a high desire man. That mutual acceptance would then become an icebreaker or icemelter or something like that.

The whole concept of being perfect is a danger sign in my mind. I understand your original post, what "words do you use to describe your perfect mate?" so all of the embellishing on what she would be like is just cyber morphing of your question, but I think it's working anyways to help you and to make an interesting post. What bothers me though, is the concept of perfection. Now this is also a cyber morph, but do you really need perfection of some sort? Can you offer the same degree of perfection in return?

Bail out questions....Is all of this just rhetorical? Just asking for fun, a little mental sparring on Friday night?

I understand perfection after being raised in a family where my father was a perfectionist. It caused very high highs and very low lows. He was always riding a rollercoaster. When he succeeded at doing things exactly as he set out to do, life was good. When he didn't quite live up to his sky high goals, we all felt it.

I too am in a SSM where I am the HDH married to the LDW. I'm not interested in perfection from her or myself. But I would like to:

ML once or twice on the weekend and come away from the experience feeling loved and totally rocked.

Give my W an O that would make her feel loved and totally rocked as well.

Communicate clearly without either one of us losing our composure or ending the conversation prematurely because we can't accept what the other one is saying.

Be able to talk to her about our ML and our R as if it was natural for H and W to do so, not akward and embarrassing.

Talk to her about what's important without her finishing my sentences for me. She doesn't know me well enough to do that yet. We've only been married 27 years.

Understand her well enough to "get" her non-verbal communication.

Know what gifts to buy her for Christmas, her birthday, and our anniversary.

Have her finally tell me where her "hot spots" are.

OK, CeMar, I guess if my W and I could do all of those things together, it would be getting pretty close to being perfect.

For the perfect word to call your perfect mate, I think ZeeBube better chime in here!

WM

PS. Speeking of perfection, I'd like to find the key that would unlock her desire. When we were first married, she told me that she was afraid of becoming addicted to sex.

[Lillieperl]

Weber wrote

When we were first married, she told me that she was afraid of becoming addicted to sex.

WOW! THIS is REALLY interesting!

So... I guess she really liked it-- a lot! But somewhere in her a voice said that something you like so much a) can't be good for you, and b) has to be controlled or at least moderated.

Do you think she consciously damped down her desire over the years, the way we remind ourselves that one (or one half of a) Krispy Kreme is tolerable, but a whole one (or fifteen) will clog our arteries and make us burst out of our fat clothes? I mean, did she deliberately, consciously talk herself out of wanting sex? Are you aware of when this happened?

If so, I think that would make her different from many of the LDs on this board.

Tell us more about her anxiety about sex becoming an addiction. I mean, no one says this about something they don't like. No one says, "Uh oh, better watch it! I could become addicted to curly kale, or mopping floors, or shoveling snow in a blizzard." You only say this about something that you not only like, but that you ADORE.

[honeypot]

MrH has said this many, many times. I did not think it was that different from other LD people.

HP

[cinemanymph]

Lillie,
I am crackin' up! Imagine Housework Anonymous, hee hee. My name is Cinemanymph and my mind just cannot rest until my mattresses are rotated and all the seams are ironed to perfection. Thanks for the weekend chuckle.